The SEC in a Sentence

It’s that time again, time to cram all that happened this weekend and will happen next weekend in the nation’a premier college football conference into a single sentence that will make our English teachers wonder what the point even was. It’s the SEC in a Sentence. It’s prettier than an Arch Manning interception, except when it’s uglier than an Arkansas message board thread. Let’s do it.

Alabama: There’s something deeply satisfying, almost spiritual, about watching Alabama come up just short against Georgia the way so many Georgia teams once did against Alabama.

Arkansas: Look, sometimes “moral victories” get a bad rap.

Auburn: I don’t really care for Auburn.

Florida: Hahahahahahahahahaha (stops to catch his breath) hahahahahahahaha.

Georgia: The Bulldogs vanquished the Tide despite playing through key injuries and not playing anything close to their cleanest football, and that’s makes me just a little tingly.

Kentucky: Will Stein is building a new identity for a Wildcat program that has had a few mildly successful identities that didn’t stick long term, but could this time be different?

LSU: I feel a little sad for LSU that in the off-season coaching Derby they weren’t able to land an elite head coach like Kentucky’s Will Stein.

Mississippi State: Had a week off, and now head to LSU with everyone wondering whether Kamario Taylor will be healthy enough to ruin Lane Kiffin’s evening.

Missouri: Parents, talk to your kids about Eli Drinkwitz’s 5-1 and playoff contending Missouri Tigers before they find out about that kind of thing on the streets.

Oklahoma: Look, if you invite Brent Venables to a rock fight he’s going to send back the RSVP card and show up ten minutes early with a bundle of flowers, flowers made out of rocks.

Ole Miss: Don’t look now, but with Kewan Lacy back the Rebels may be rounding into midseason form after whatever that thing with Florida was.

South Carolina: When LaNorris Sellers sees the shadow of uncovered receivers running unbothered toward the end zone against a ranked opponent it means Gamecock fans get six more weeks of Shane Beamer.

Tennessee: When you have to come from behind in the 4th quarter to beat Arkansas can you really call it a “victory”?

Texas: If by “Texas is back” you mean “Texas is back to asking how they lost Red River again and second-guessing Steve Sarkisian’s ability to serve as both play caller and head coach” then yes, they are.

Texas A&M: Mike Elko‘s Texas A&M Aggies have been looking a lot like Jimbo Fisher’s Texas A&M, Aggies and brother that is not good news for Mike Elko.

Vanderbilt: The smart kids made a lot of dumb mistakes to lose 52-17 to Ole Miss, but I’m sure Nate Bargatze still had fun.

Until later…

Go ‘Dawgs!!!